I am going through a couple of major changes in my life which has been making my head spin. I am turning 24 the same day I leave for my trip to China, June 29th. Turning 24 is not necessarily a big deal, I just thought I would have things way more figured out than I actually do. I always imagined that at 24 I would have it together and know exactly where I am going but that’s not the case at all. I am still trying to figure things out. Trying to find what will make me feel fulfilled and happy.
I am also quitting my full time secretarial job with the school district, which I worked so hard to get right out high school to be able to fulfill the requirements of my secondary education degree. This is my last week at the job. I will be in a classroom next semester, half-day, twice a week. It’s like an unpaid internship. To make ends meet, I will substitute teach 3 times a week. I will be going from a full time job with benefits to a part time job with no benefits. I can’t get from point a to point b without doing this so I am fine with the choice. It’s just weird for me to leave what I have worked so hard for, for 2 years until I get licensed to teach.
Apart from that, my brother is getting married this summer as well. He is the first of my siblings to take this huge step. I am very happy for him and excited for this new chapter in his life, it’s just weird to see the family dynamics change so much. Then there’s also the meshing of the two families which I am finding out is not as smooth of a process as I thought it would be.
I like routine, it’s safe and comforting. However, whenever that safe routine is not part of the road you need to take to get where you want to go, that routine becomes a prison keeping you from the direction your heart’s calling for. I am ready to breakaway from the safety of the familiar and let myself experience change as an opportunity for growth, and new horizons filled with endless possibilities, rather than something that should be avoided. I know it won’t be easy. For about a month now, my body has been paying for the anticipation of the unknown. I wake up feeling very nauseated like I usually do when I am feeling particularly anxious.
It’s all good though. I am not sure exactly where I want to go, but I feel like I am in the right direction. That’s the best I am able to do at this point so I am happy with that. Now I will just work on loosening up a bit and let myself enjoy this new chapter of my life, wherever it ends up taking me. I will do what I can to help ease the anxiety that’s making itself so known right now. The amazing opportunities that life is offering to me is totally worth it.