What a joke! I sit here alone in the university cafeteria in a table for two. All around I see groups here, groups there, busily chatting amongst themselves. Girls looking cute, guys impressing, it’s always the same wherever I go. The faces and settings change but one thing remains the same, I sit here alone.
But I am not afraid of solitude. I often find myself not running from it but to it. The peace that comes from being able to take the mask off, to walk invisibly amongst the busy crowds, feels like nothing short of a sweet gift. To get to momentarily escape whatever ails my mind and sometimes even work through it if I’m feeling resilient enough, is absolutely amazing.
So is it a curse or blessing, that I blend so well into the background, that I’ve perfected the art of being a wallflower? I’m never quite sure. I guess that depends on what factors I’ve been exposed to that day. Because a romantic song can often make solitude feel awfully painful, while a crazy encounter with someone that knows what buttons to push can make it refreshingly calming.
I don’t know. All I can say is that today, getting to watch beautiful sunset, sitting comfortably behind a glass wall in my table for two, getting to marvel at the splendid scene unfolding right in front of me, and take it all in, absorb it into my being, the way I’m only able to do if I’m solo, makes me think it might not be so bad after all.